It has not been easy

I have not written in a long time because I had to work some issues out with myself. I found myself not eating enough and going to bed hungry and feeling guilty about everything I ate. Basically, I just was not eating enough and it started to scare me because I could feel some sort of eating disorder creeping in and I know I never want to go down that route. So, I had to pause and reflect on what I was doing. Yes, the number on the scale was consistently going down and that made me happy but I was not feeding my body what it desperately needed. I mentioned something to my cousin (who is studying nutrition) and she shut me down real fast and told me that my metabolism needs to be sped up and what I was doing was the exact opposite. So I started eating MORE  and exercising less because it was so cold this week that I had zero motivation to do anything (especially shlepping my ass to the gym and then venturing in 20 degree weather with a sweaty shirt)- NO thank you!

But anyway, eating more (more carbs, more snacks) and working out less and I was losing weight FASTER than before. This really created a shift in my brain. I realized what I was doing was not going to be sustainable  and was not going to be a ” lifestyle change” *buzz word buzz word*. I am really happy I was able to catch myself before I went further down that dark road.

This is such a mindset and knowing its long term and not just an easy fix. ITS NOT EASY. But I can’t keep starting over. I won’t keep starting over.

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